Alan Shawn Feinstein delivered to me today the most sacred of all of his possessions - his precious collection of almighty and everlasting sea creechiz (established in nointeen sixty noin). While many do not recognize their value, ASF and I have a special connection.
The most important items in the museum are:
Cank (the rock), sacred green pendant (formerly a Heineken bottle, also seen in Lord of the Rings (?)), the elusive blue iridescent scrap, and shiny the wishing stone.
These were delivered to me with the promise that they would bring me great fawtunes one day. I must tell their story but share them with no one. His last words to me were "Now, they all have magical sea creecha powa and if you mess with me, ASF, I'll have my sea creachiz kick yaw ass."
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A CRY BY ME! ALAN SHAWN FOINSTINE:
I LOVE ALL SEE CREECHIZ! THEY ARE MINE AND I LOVE THEM! you may be wondering, “gee alan shawn foinsine, all powerful creata of the motha taresa coin, why do you love sea creechiz so much?”. Well u insignificant friend of mine, you see, when i was seven years old moi fatha gave me a clam named laveen and little laveen was moi favoritest pet of all times (especially since my dog edwid doid from an lsd ovadose). well, when laveen came down with a bad case of the mumps there wasnt much we could do but pray. so i prayed to the gawd of the sea creechiz and just when i thought all was lost, moi prayiz were ansid. yes, my clam laveen doid, but the gawd of the sea sent me these precious sea creechiz promising that one day I too would doi. but until then i should use their magical sea creecha powiz to get lots of money. GAWD BLESS THE SEA CREECHIZ!
I want a sacred green pendant!!