A Cry for Help

I was looking through my spam folder before junking it, and I noticed a new request from someone to add me to their Friendster list. I signed up maybe a year ago, because I sign up for almost everything, but I subsequently forgot all about it. When I got my password sent to me, there were 2 other people waiting to be confirmed as my friends (don't worry, guys, you're in). I started poking around, and I noticed that people were signing up for Friendster profiles with the names of places (for instance, you can be friends with "Rhode Island.") (I'm sure this stuff is sooo last year, but I did the blog thing instead). So that was kind of clever, ok. Then I saw someone was friends with Wally the Green Monster:

Wally is friends with Theo:

The "testimonials" Theo gets are priceless. Wally: Thanks for your offer of a $60m 4-year extension, but Scott Boras has urged me to test the market. After all, Diamondbacks could use a Green Monster, and I wouldn't mind reuniting with Shea. You can now try to trade me for the best mascot in the game, but let's face it, WALLY IS #1. Teddy Ballgame: You talk all bullshit about righting the wrongs of past administrations. You retire Fisk's number just so he'll wear a Sox hat to the Hall, then you sign Ellis Burks, but you let me languish in some technologically advanced freezer. You little prick! Brian: So I wake up this morning face down in the street in front of the Foxy Lady after a two week long bender. I go to Fenway and they're like 'Do you got sent down.' and I was all 'No way bro, you don't know what you're talking about.' So he pulls out an old newspaper, points to a Gammons article and there it is in black and white 'The People's Favorite, Brian Daubach Sent to Pawtucket; Dickwad Frank Castillo Called Up.' WHAT THE FUCK?!? I mean, seriously dude! Frank Castillo!?!?! Who are you, Danny Ainge? Pedro: If you don't give me an extension, I'm going to drill you in the ass.

It goes on and on. I finally "get" friendster! There's El Guapo (of whom Carl says "you managed to eat a dinosaur, even though they don't exist."), and Jerry, Don, Tom and Bob Lobel. There's Ellis and Johnny. Pedro's interests include 2- and 4-seam fastballs, curveballs, change-ups, brushback pitches, pointing at my head as I look at the other team's hitters, tossing the elderly. And you can be friends with them all!

This entry was posted on Friday, May 14th, 2004 at 8:08 pm and is filed under Red Sox. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.