A Cry for Help

Wow did last night suck.

So en route to the Pats game, via the train from Providence, we had a slight change of plans. After a series of poor decisions, traffic-wise, Em and I were really pushing the clock to get a bite to eat and make the 6:20 train. We hit up the Union Station Brewery and then planned on walking over to the train station.

That was actually a good plan, but due to a surprisingly crowded restaurant and our inclination to take it slow and enjoy the very excellent Golden Spike Ale they brew there, we decided not to rush just to catch the train. No problem, we most likely wouldn't have wanted to stay through the whole game anyway, as it was pre-season (thus the B-team takes over after a quarter or two).

After killing our drinks, and the tasty spicy thai chicken skewers, we hit the highway for the short ride up to Foxboro. I figured there's be some traffic, but having never been up there for a game I had no idea there was three miles of traffic!

Adding to our growing frustration was the fact that, unknown to Em or I, there is no free parking at Gilette stadium, and after sitting in the traffic we were relieved of $35 on the way into the massive, gigantic parking area (the paved parts were full, so we got the dirt lot). Getting everything together to head up into the stadium, Em grabbed an umbrella because we knew the rain was on its way.

Approaching the stadium we hear the sounds of the game getting underway, we were later than I had anticipated. Then we hit the security "clump." I think there were supposed to be lines, but it was just a sweaty mass of people, not a few of whom were piss-drunk. In another little surprise twist, women and men have separate lines to go through, and though Em had no problem with a guy checking her for explosives, she was forced to head to the other end of the gate to enter in the female line.

When we met up inside, she was sans umbrella, which they confiscated as a security threat. And by confiscated I really mean "thrown in a trash bin." So now we have nasty traffic, unexpected and exorbitant parking fees, a less than thrilling close encounter with a throng of NFL fans, and to top it off a lost umbrella (at least it wasn't raining, though).

Now, I'm not sure how to say this and not come off like a total ass, but the stereotypical football fan is not the type of person I like being surrounded by. Between the falling-down drunkeness and the borderline-comical trashiness of my fellow fans, we were not having a good time.

So we make our way to the seats, which thankfully I didn't pay for ($75 a piece?! Hell no. I won't even pay that at Fenway). Since our seats are in the middle of the row, about five people had to rise to let us into the sections interior seats. The last guy to get up fell over (yeah, onto the ground!), in slow motion. Gah. At least the view was cool, and we only missed about three minutes of action. And it was a beautiful night. Em, trooper that she is, was wearing a smile despite smoldering anger over being divested of her umbrella.

Three plays later, the skies opened up.

I thought perhaps it would be a quick shower, moving through and letting up. I was wrong. With everything going badly (did I mention $7 for a Bud Light? After I just had an amazing microbrew?), we decided to cut our losses and just leave. A quick trip to the liquor store would fix our ruined night in a jiff.

Walking out, we managed to recover Em's umbrella from a bin piled high with discarded "security risks," and I even managed to grab one for myself to keep dry on the long walk back to what was quickly becoming a mud pit. Hey, at least there wasn't any traffic on the way out! And we did get to see the first touchdown thrown by the world champions this year.

The moral of the story? The best seat you can have at a Patriots game is the one in front of your home television.

This entry was posted on Saturday, August 14th, 2004 at 6:32 pm and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.