One of the things keeping me from 100% openly supporting the gay marriage (I’m about 95% there now) are some things I’m hearing from gays who are ambivalent about it. The one openly gay co-worker I know was very much *against* the idea. He saw marriage as a heterosexual institution, but wanted complete local and federal partnership rights for a union of whatever name.

A New York Times article had a similar take several months ago before the whole U.S. flap happened when Canada was discussing this. They profiled many gays who said that they were against gay marriage since the word “marriage” usually implies monogamy (which the article suggests even many devoted gay couples are against) and suggests a “traditional” lifestyle at odds with gay culture. Interesting stuff!

Does anyone here have better insight into the issue from the GLBT perspective, either personally or by associations?

Garris

I’m glad to see an acknowledgement of gay relationships in the form of the civil union part of this bill. But we know separate is not equal.

I know gay MA residents that will be happy with civil unions, and I suppose that for them this is a victory. The “marriage scare” pushed the legislature into giving them some rights. IMHO inequal is unfair, but there you have it.

This introspection brings gay people to very different opinions about the morality of sex. I would not deny that there is a style of gay relationships that allows for a way to have extra-relationship sexual encounters, that does not necessarily change the commitment of the relationship. It’s a matter of honesty, who doesn’t know a straight couple that has been together for years and is simply going through the motions of a marriage? In many couples infidelity is an open secret. A different view on the morality of sexual relations allows gay couples to be more open to the idea of straying.

Not all gay couples have these arrangements, as not all straight marriages suffer from infidelity. It’s simply an avenue that gay couples seem more open to exploring.

Until very recently there was quite a backlash against marriage within the gay community. When it seemed like such a far off and unattainable goal, it seemed that the community felt that they needed to move past it, and perhaps be the pioneers of a post-marriage future. Marriage ain’t doing too well now, what with 50% divorce rates. If a consumer product had a 50% failure rate it’d be yanked off the market, yet we keep chugging along with marriage.

With recent developments in Canada and in Europe granting full marriage rights to gays the opinion started to change, and of course the Mass. SJC decision blew the doors off the topic. I think a lot of people realized that this trend within the community to turn our backs on marriage was in part a defense mechanism. “we’re never going to get this, so why break ourselves up trying?” Now that it seems possible, we are reawakening to why we need this. To how fragile our relationships are without it.

As for having a small holdout on being 100% in favour because some gay people oppose marriage… There’s a lot of straight people out there who aren’t looking to marry either.