A Cry for Help

so the other night i was drunk and i decided to visit a chat room we used to play on back in the day. well, i've never been much into the chatting scene so i decided to just be myself - full of quips, axioms, and other assorted witticisms. evidently, the shelf life for my personality is about 10 minutes on the interweb (much longer than in real life), because that's precisely how long it was before i was on all 87 people on the site's ignore list. i decided to pull ten of my best quotes from my cache - the ones that seemed to lead to the most ignores, and share them here with you! keep in mind that all of these had a very low level of relevance at the time, but they still vaguely pertained to the conversation.

1. dude, this herpes thing is for the birds! itchy, itchy, itchy
2. does anyone want to buy any drugs? don't worry, i'm not a cop
3. if i were to invent something like the telephone, and let me just say that it is a long shot, but i would probably make it out of ky jelly and that borg dude from star trek
4. but it doesn't matter how many times you do it, they still say its illegal to try and impregnate the bag boys at winn-dixie
5. so my dog was licking me earlier - no, i mean, really licking me
6. so who here is circumcised? man, that hurts, eh?
7. so i was ditching a body in the lake last night…oh man, that thing was heavy!
8. so i met my girlfriend's parents today - while urinating on their daughter! awkward!!!
9. yeah she was four years old - but i swear she said she was 18
10. oh absolutely, but i don't think i can mail my sperm to geneva! do you?

so if you want to mate friends and influence peeholes, feel free to quote me. drinking beer is funny. _{ultra laser officially endorses all forms of drinking.}

This entry was posted on Friday, December 3rd, 2004 at 1:33 am and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.