The GOP is in trouble
You can imagine how surprised I was today to find out that I am among a select group of Republicans selected to be a representative of the thoughts of all Republicans in my district! Today's mail brought me a letter and a survey from the Republican National Committee with a plea for my thought. It seems my answers to the Official Republican Census will be used to create a new blueprint for the party.
I am important!
It's a good thing I got this letter with the census, because I didn't realize that if I don't help the party get back on track, liberals like (pro-life) Harry Reid will lead the "Democrat Party" to a generation or more of legislative supremacy! Oh noes!
They tell me that government spending will go through the roof (unlike, I suppose, when the GOP controlled Congress). They tell me that big labor union bosses, radical environmentalists (vegetarians), gun grabbers and trial lawyers will be running my life for 20 years or more!
Here's some census questions:
Should our homeland defense forces use profiling to protect our nation? (you know, brown people!)
Should President Bush's successful tax cuts be made permanent? (success is such a relative term…)
Do you agree that we must stop illegal immigration? (unless they mow your lawn for peanuts)
Do you think US troops should have to serve under United Nations commanders? (sounds French!)
Will you send us a check?
- yes, I support the GOP and here's _$500 _$250 _$100 _$50 _$35
- yes, I support the GOP but (being in the bottom 99% of earners I didn't get much from that tax cut and) I cannot participate at this time. But here's $11 to cover the cost of tabulating my census
- no, I favor electing liberal Democrats over the next ten years (!)
Something tells me all that sucking up was just to get my money. I'm tempted to fill out the survey (should Republicans continue to support puppies? No!) and send them some cash so that they can get better computers. Maybe then they could figure out the difference between a genuine Republican and some guy who just wanted to vote for Linc Chafee over Steve Laffey last September…