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Kayaking the Pawtuxet River in Warwick: not so good. Homemade rosemary bagels: very good. Crappy weather on vacation week: sucks big time. Triple-A All Star game celebrity home run derby: too long. Big Papi's derby appearance: too short. Prospects for the rest of the week: mixed. Prospects for tonight: excellent (inebriation factor high)

When I sit down to check my email and read my favorite daily websites, I usually turn the TV on so I can watch the noon news. As it wrapped up today, the teaser for Inside Edition, one of those awful celebrity-watching/stalking shows, had this for an intro: "John Edwards's adorable kids - will they change the race for the White House? And can they get the little one to stop sucking his thumb?" I kid you not. I'm going to take that as a hint to go outside before my head explodes.

So the California Education Secretary became confused while talking to a group of kids during a visit to a reading program and inexplicably told a six-year old that her name means "stupid, dirty girl" (he was "teasing," of course). The Sacramento Bee says that the secretary has a history of "occasionally making off-the-cuff comments that offend some people." Nice. I just saw the clip on TV, and it's comical in its absurdity. But it gets better. From that same article, they get an awesome quote from the girl's mom: Hahahaha! Stupid, dirty Ed. Secretary. Aw, I'm just teasing!

The Phoenix's Phillipe and Jorge have the best reason I've seen so far why Dick Gephardt did not get the VP nod: "Well, it just goes to show you, via John Kerry's choice of John Edwards over Dick Gephardt for his running mate, that it always pays to have eyebrows." Sounds about right to me. (this week's Cool, Cool World is especially good, as it picks on the ProJo's Mark Patinkin and features a nice account of how they greeted the Queen effin' Mary [and passes similar judgement on the fireworks display]. Check it out.)

I enjoy the internet. I enjoy laughing. I enjoy people who swear. And when those things come together, it is a moment of pure, unadulterated beauty. [Click here for something that is also cool, but with less swearing]

Allegedly, our good friend Matt appeared in a Southwest Airlines Commercial. I had never seen this commercial, though, so it was possible Matt was just lying to get chicks. Today, he sent me the proof I demanded, and accordingly I will share it with all of you. Download the clip here, .mov file (1.2MB) (Some of you know Matt, some of you may remember a much more hairy [think Johnny Damon] Matt from years back, and some of you, if you've ever flown SWA out of TF Green you may know Matt without actually knowing him)

I'm hoping they called Nightwing about this. His input would be invaluable, i'm sure.... [wonder what Mike is talking about? Click here -Bil]

Ladies and gentlemen, the Next Vice President of the United States, John Edwards! I have to admit, I'm a little excited. Today's announcement of John Kerry's running mate is the first time I've been anticipating something since I all but stopped caring* about the race for the White House sometime last February (hmm, what happened back then...). Not having your horse in the race is not conducive to daily tracking and poll watching (but much better for your mental health, I think), so I didn't really think much about who JK would pick. I'm glad it's Edwards, though. Other than having a vague feeling of horror that Gephardt would get the VP nod, I didn't care who was chosen. I realized I actually trusted Kerry to make a good choice! I think he did, too. Edwards was my fallback choice in the primaries, and I like his message a lot. I think he will make an excellent Vice President. Amazingly, I learned something new from Cable News today! Did you know that Dick Cheney was chosen by Gov. Bush to head up the committee to find a running mate for the 2000 election? Lo and behold, he picked himself. It's no wonder, since the VP has gained a huge amount of power and influence these past few years (I even heard a conservative commentator say the other day that Bush/Cheney is bordering on a co-presidency). With today's news, I'm going to make a bold prediction right now: Kerry/Edwards will win Rhode Island in November. You heard it here first.

Happy (Observed) Fourth of July, everybody! Are we full of hamburgers and hot dogs and ice cream? How were the fireworks? Each year, my family packs up the picnic baskets and portable grills to celebrate the Fourth in Jamestown. Last year was especially nice, as we had great weather, good food and plenty of time to run around or relax. Em and I headed into town as it got dark to get ice cream and watch the Newport fireworks from across the East Passage (with the beautiful Newport Bridge in view). It was great, and we were so looking forward to the same experience this year. Then, last week, it was announced that the world's largest cruise ship, the Queen Mary II, was turned away from New York Harbor and had decided to come to Newport to watch the fireworks. And to sweeten the pot for everyone, the cruise ship operators doubled the Newport fireworks budget to $20,000. We thought this would be awesome. So did the rest of the state, who joined us in cramming roughly one billion cars onto tiny Canonicut Island. The crowd at the town square wasn't bad at all, save for a few parents who felt the need to stand with their children on their shoulders, blocking the view of six or seven rows of skywatchers behind them. Once the show was over, the nightmare began. Even walking back to our parking spot about a half mile (in the wrong direction) from town, we knew it would be awful, as no one was moving at all. Thinking I could circumvent some of the traffic, I headed away from the highway to the "back way" out of town. Not surprisingly, I was not the only one to have this idea. We sat in traffic for two hours and forty-five minutes. TWO HOURS. AND FORTY-FIVE MINUTES. To travel 1.2 miles. Here's a handy graphic (red line, 2:45, green line, 0:15). It was by far the worst traffic I have ever been in. Thanks, Queen Mary II. The kicker, though, was that the alleged $20 grand in pyrotechnics was amazingly mediocre! The "grand finale" was a heck of lot more finale than grand. Under the bridge we could see up the coast where North Kingstown was putting on their own show, and their show lasted longer! Did I mention two hours and 45 minutes in traffic? And if I may gripe just a little bit longer, the line for ice cream stretched as far as the eye could see, and we overheard a conversation with someone who was still in line for a treat after an hour. In conclusion, no ice cream, unimpressive fireworks seen from behind a seven year old's hoisted body, and almost three hours of traffic (in which my car told me fuel efficiency topped out around 1.4 mpg) made for a disappointing night. Still, the day was beautiful, and I got to spend it with friends and family, so not all was bad. I hope you guys had an equally good day and a much better night!

My intention is often to write about Rhode Island as much possible, but hey, I never pretend to be good at this weblog thing. So, for some super-local coverage (for me, at least), we go to Warwick, Rhode Island's second largest city. ProJo says:

The U.S. Environmental Protection Agency yesterday announced a $350,000 grant to the city's school system for measures that it said would reduce pollution from school buses by as much as 90 percent. Warwick will become the first community in the state to retrofit buses with pollution-control technology and take other steps to reduce emissions...

Warwick has got to be far and away the most environmentally conscious city in the state, which is funny if you've ever driven down Route 2, the suburban sploogefest of chain store after big box after chain store. Still, Warwick puts aside more open space than any other metro area city, recycles 25% of their trash (compared to 9% statewide) and looks for ways, like EPA grants, to improve air quality. Now if they can just repave Airport Road, I'll sing my hometown's praises every day of the week [that's such a lie. -ed.] Now, if only the rest of the state could get on board. I mean, come on, we're only 1200 square miles and yet we have 39 different ways of doing things (one for each city and town).

Back by popular demand, it's a new Fish Stuff Friday! This week's installment is "Damsel, in Distress?" You may remember, from months ago, my new fish tank which was quickly infected by a straight-from-the-store deadly parasite. Well, I waited the suggested six weeks and got new fish (from the same store, though). Those fish came down with the same parasite, and despite my best efforts at fish doctoring, those fish died too. It's been ten weeks now, and I am going to attempt one more go of it with this tank. I'm not sure if it was the fish store that was widely infected, or if the new fish picked up the disease from my tank, so I'm experimenting now with a $6 damselfish. After scrubbing the tank, sucking out the top layer of sand and scrubbing the inner walls, I think the tank should be parasite free. Now, if my new fish comes down with the sickness (should take a week or so), then I'm just going to have to scrap the whole setup. So here's my new friend, a yellow tailed damselfish. Don't get too attached, he's a guinea pig. Damsels are notoriously bitchy/aggressive, so I don't know what I'll do with him if he survives. But here's hoping there'll be many more FSF's in the future!

One of my standard comedic lines is "Music is the soundtrack to my life". It's meant to be funny, but at this point I have said it so much that it is starting to have real meaning. Less than Jake, my favorite band in the world, released a handful of songs from their upcoming b-sides album today. I have been pretty forthcoming about my dissapointment with "Anthem", their last album. I'm proud to be able to say that these b-sides smoke almost everything off of "Anthem". It's quite ironic really - "B Is For B-Sides" is 12 songs that were recorded during the "Anthem" sessions and left off the album. The point here? I love music. Hearing these songs at the beginning of my workday completely shaped my mood for the rest of the day. I was giddy like a school boy thinking about the fact that these songs reminded me of "Hello Rockview" era LTJ. Just like most die hard less than jake fanatics, I also have become a Wilco fan as of late. I really respect that a band that shouldn't be internet savy has been consistantly shaping the face of digital music. After getting dropped by their record label, the put "Yankee Hotel Foxtrot" online and the album was a huge commercial success because of it when it was eventually released. Now with "A Ghost Is Born" they streamed the entire CD months before release. This works for them for two reasons. 1.) They have faith in their fans - and trust that they will buy the final copy. 2.) They included an amazing enhancement on the CD so that the hardcopy is a worthy investment. Buy "Ghost" and get a quicktime stream of a full 130 minute live show recorded on June 12th 2004 (how's that for a quick turnaround?). I saw Wilco on this same tour and can tell you that this is the best CD enhancement ever - Wilco is jaw droppingly good live. Rock and roll happens to real people too. My good friends in local not-ska-anymore band "Monty's Fan Club" head out today on their biggest national tour so far. Tonight they play their first ever gig at CBGBs and then they are off to Cali to play on the remainder of this years Warped Tour. Fucking cool huh? I used to help them load in and then wreck all their shows. They will be keeping a road journal along the way - follow along, won't you? Picked up a great CD with a great title yesterday. "Fucking A" by The Thermals. Peep it - it rocks. Anyone looking for something to do in RI this weekend? I will be kicking it live in a special one off Friday night Unexpected Company show at 8:18 at the Warwick Museum of Art. We will be grilling dogs and burgers, making people laugh, and generally starting the holiday weekend off right. I'm in a fantastic fucking mood.