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Why does the most famous of alumni from my alma mater have to go and fuck things up for everyone else and make us look bad? If Rick Smits gets into a sex scandal, I'm going to have to start telling people that I went to URI. Bil - am I allowed to say 'fuck' here? [ed. note -- Fuck no you can't] Footnote - I can't wait to see 'Team America: World Police'

Once again, if you expected me to miss the Sox-Yanks game last night to give my undivided attention to Bush and Kerry, well then you don't know me very well. That said, I did flip back and forth, and caught a lot of the debate. I guess it's good that neither New York nor the Red Sox Nation states are swing states, but Missouri is and St. Louis had a playoff game too. Looking back, I am really surprised at the way these debates transpired. Even though Bush was pretty good in what I saw last night, the composite picture of the president from all three tilts is not good. Kos called it as "from pouter to shouter to doubter." John Kerry was very consistent throughout, and really just outdid Bush in the "presidential" category. I didn't see the part where Bush, responding to Kerry's assertion that the president said he was not concerned with Osama bin Laden, said "Gosh, I just don't think I ever said I'm not worried about Osama bin Laden. It's kind of one of those exaggerations." I did read about it after the debate, and thought, hahah, I'm pretty sure they have you on video dismissing bin Laden. Then, this morning, I saw the video of Bush saying that in the debate, and the way he said "exaggeration." My first thought was "wow. Our president is a dick." And I think that was the lesson I took away from the debate. If you watch Bush on the campaign trail, he makes a lot of snide jokes about John Kerry, being a flip flopper, being for the $87 billion before being against it, etc. The crowds, all Bush partisans, eat it up, cheering wildly. If you've seen this, Debate Bush makes more sense, in a sad way. He makes a lot of the same jokes, but to people who don't spend their days thinking about how much they hate Democrats, the lines fall flat. For instance, last night, Bush made an aside about "leading news organizations," a dig at CBS and "that liberal media," that I'm sure made most people scratch their heads. The partisan joke lines don't work when the audience isn't already on your side, and worse, they make you look like a dick (there's that categorization again). I did see Kerry bring up Dick Cheney's lesbian daughter in the question about gays. I thought it was a little weird, but then afterwards on MSNBC the panel was apoplectic. Despite MSNBC being absolutely awful (and just plain wrong) on the post-debate analysis, I still like them better than Larry King, and of course, Fox News is Fox News. I also saw Lynne Cheney, Dick's wife, get huffy and declare that John Kerry is "a bad man." I think it says a lot about Lynne, as if pointing out that the completely open Mary Cheney is gay is an affront to her as a mother. So I guess Senator Kerry won all three debates. That's pretty incredible, I think. Now, if only his fellow Massachusetts-dwelling ballplayers could go on a similar winning streak. Oh yeah, here's the video of Bush saying he doesn't think about Osama too much. Boy that Kerry is sure an exaggerator. Speaking of exaggeration, wasn't that the 2000 election's Democrat smear? I'm surprised at how many flat out lies came out of these debates. "I never met John Edwards before today." "Gosh, I just don't think I ever said I'm not worried about Osama bin Laden," the tax cut going mostly to middle- and low-income Americans stuff. In 2000 Al Gore got hammered on minor untruths (like going to that disaster area with FEMA) and the still-repeated-despite-never-happening thing about inventing the internet (seriously, Gore never said that.) Every day you had pundits saying things like "this really speaks to a fundamental character flaw in the Vice President." In a fair and balanced world, the press would be killing the president on his gross distortions. And speaking of Al Gore, this is my new favorite song. I especially love the guest vocals at the end.

Oh good. The Yankees won one. I was almost feeling bad for them because they're obviously the inferior team. Now that they won a game, they'll have something nice to remember in the long off-season that is only about a week away for them. Of course, they won a game where the first 20 outs (out of 27 in a game) were in the book before the Sox got a hit, where they scored eight unanswered runs, six off of an injured pitcher, and they still had to bring in their closer. Nice win, guys. It will be your last. Keep the Faith.

I have randomly heard a bunch of people describe situations where they recently saw someone literally drinking and driving (I'm talking about something like a can of coors on I-95 type thing here). Well yesterday I encountered it too. I'm on bald hill road and this guy cruises past me drinking a bottle of Bud. He wasn't even at a light. Worse yet, he wasn't watching his carbs. Well now I'm reminded of that experience yet, again. I live on a very busy road in Warwick. Right now, right in front of my porch a young woman is getting busted for DWI. As 3 cops showed up (is that really needed for one drunk college girl?) I got to watch as they took her though the whole deal. Walking the line. Touching her finger to her nose. Standing on one leg. Touching her toes. Even looked like they pulled backwards ABCs on her. She couldn't have done so well, unless the normal prize is handcuffs and a ride in the backseat. I gotta ask it. Why the fuck do so many people think drinking and driving is ok? I'm not even trying to drive at some kind of message here, I just dont get it.

Uh, sorry, I missed this debate. Too busy jumping around and celebrating David Ortiz's BOMB with some Union Station Brews. Mmmm. I actually tried to tape it, but I screwed up setting the VCR. MSNBC says Bush won, which I think makes it a tie. I'm seeing lots of stuff about Bush yelling. I'm interested in reading the paper tomorrow, since I didn't actually get to see this one live.

Some people will vote for their party, no matter who the candidate is. Some people vote for who they agree with on the issues. Some people vote against the person they like least. Some people vote for the candidate with better hair. If you're still undecided, here's a couple ways you can figure out who to vote for this November 2nd. First, this game voter's guide that boasts "our visual method is scientifically proven to produce the correct results." It's conservatively biased, for reasons you'll see once you play. More seriously, here's a quiz that presents you with statements from the candidates without telling you who said what. Choose the statement you agree with most and you'll see who you should vote for on the issues. I took it and agreed with Bush twice (and once without realizing it!) And make sure you catch tonight's debate so that you can better determine whose positions are whose.

Hahah, Pandagon has your debate recap hours before it happens. Last week, The Daily Show brilliantly showcased (for its stoned, slacking viewers) the ridiculous way reporters write their stories before events happen, then fill in details later. (Unfortunately the D-Show video isn't online). And all joking aside, there really was a pre-written debate story. Knock that crap off, media, it's only going to get you in trouble, especially since right-wing blogs can now singlehandedly destroy the [undefined] mainstream media. For instance, a partisan news service, the Associated Press, makes its preference for Bush known by "accidentally" posting a Bush wins the election story. Also MSNBC, a network that wants nothing more than President Bush to be reelected, posted a story this morning about the great Bush economy's new job numbers. They were only off by 200,000 jobs. Scary stuff.

You may have heard (and certainly will hear) that it's good that all those terrorists are killing people in Iraq because that means they aren't killing American children (and puppies!) in suburban elementary schools. It's known as the flypaper theory. We attract terrorists to Iraq and we pick them off. If you share the Bush administration's worldview, this is a good idea because apparently there is some finite number of freedom-haters and once they are gone, "mission accomplished." That is, in reality, an incredibly stupid way to wage the War on Terror, but James thought seriously about this for a second and came up with a stunning observation: Wow.

It's been a while since we visited any of our sea creechiz </alan shawn feinstein>. That's our blue hermit crab, sporting the new fall fashion of algae tufts. Or, as Remy would call it, an algal "system."

It's late, so I think I might be dreaming. It's two in the morning and Red Sox Nation is somewhere between sleep and exhilaration. Did Pedro really just throw that amazing game? Regularly hitting the mid-90s, getting the big outs when he needed them? Holding the Angels to only three runs? Did the Sox really pull ahead against the most dominant guy in the best bullpen in the league? Then pile on against another member of that vaunted pen? Did the Red Sox really open the postseason 2-0, needing only one win at Friendly Fenway to move on? Did Theo really smile for a fraction of a second after the 4-run ninth inning? Did Foulke really just cruise through his outing? I must be dreaming.

This flash movie is by far the most effed up thing I've seen in a while, and everyone I've IM'ed it to has loved it, so I am compelled to hook you guys up. I'm with Bushy Man, whatever happened to "I'm With Busey", anyway? That show was awesome. Link from the always excellent shotguns at Aces.